I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
