omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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