why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize