I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
