Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
