I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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