..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
