I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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