just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so let's talk penis.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
