I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
