just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
