Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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