I can text with my tongue
i can't believe i had my finger in that
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
