You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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