wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
