You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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