Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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