people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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