There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
