I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
