I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
