Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
