I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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