16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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