I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
