I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
