Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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