im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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