Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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