Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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