Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Ladies don't puke and tell
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
