Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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