he wants to bone in the snuggie
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just found puke in my bra..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
