so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
