Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
