watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
