we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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