Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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