I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
