found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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