is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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