Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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