I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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