Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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