wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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