I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
