I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
