When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
