Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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