i would punch a child for taco bell
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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