Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
