Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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