So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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