I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
