I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
