it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
